My Face Story: How I Went Off Accutane & Healed Cystic Acne With Nontoxic Skin Care

My entire life I was complimented on my skin—from friends to people passing by on the street. My skin care routine was almost always the topic of discussion. But the cold truth was: I didn't have one! I never had to worry about my skin growing up. I slept in my makeup more times than I should've, ate Taco Bell on a regular basis, and the suggestion of skin care was on a totally different planet.

I was feeling defeated, so it was finally time to call the dermatologist. What other options did I have? Everyone promised me this was the right thing to do, but for some reason I couldn't shake this gut feeling I had that it wasn't. At first we tried antibiotics—everything ending in "-cycline." That only lasted for a quick few weeks as it created other complications like nausea and dizziness. From there we moved on to topicals. Epiduo, Retin-A, and Clindagel are just a few I tried. But still, my cystic acne continued to spread.

To this day I still remember the appointment when she muttered that dreaded word: "Accutane." I'm pretty sure I felt my heart stop. No, I thought, I am not putting myself through that, no way, absolutely not. However, there are certain instances in life when you find yourself desperate and hopeless and tired of searching for answers. That was me in this moment; I was at my wit's end. Plus, she promised that I would need only one six-month course—then my skin would be clear for the rest of my life. I was willing to make the sacrifice to never worry about my skin again, and so I took the plunge, diving in headfirst.

Unfortunately, my dermatologist told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear: that I needed a second course of Accutane, this time at a higher dose for a longer amount of time. At this point I was suffering from insomnia, back pain, and blurry night vision among other long-term side effects. I wasn't going to roll the dice and take my chances on a second course; what would make it any different? And what if I reacted worse? I wasn't about to find out. This time I decided to listen to my gut and take my skin into my own hands.

After cutting out dairy, I started trying new ways of eating to see what else could possibly make a difference in my skin. I tested veganism, a gluten-free diet, drinking the right amount of water, reducing caffeine, and avoiding alcohol and sugar altogether. With each change, I noted how my skin was either positively or negatively affected. Some of the changes I've stuck by long-term while others didn't make a dime of difference.

More times than not, I was feeling run-down, anxious, and stressed out for no apparent reason. Cutting back on caffeine and working out on a consistent basis helped to initially balance my cortisol levels, but I needed a little extra boost. That’s when I discovered adaptogens! Some of my favorites so far are ashwagandha, reishi, cordyceps, and he shou wu.

This is not to say that skin clarity is the ultimate sign of health—even when I'm eating clean, my skin is still acne prone. And vice versa—some of my clear-skinned pals eat processed foods and don't exercise. Genetics play a huge role when it comes to the clarity of our skin, and I personally think we need to get to a place where there are no longer assumptions made of those who suffer with acne—like that they're unhygienic, don't eat well, or are lazy for not taking care of their skin. We don't always have complete control, and I think this is important to realize wherever you are in your skin story.

I used to believe that acne happens for no reason. Now I know that major cystic acne can be a physical symptom of an internal imbalance. To treat it fully, you have to determine the root cause and tackle that headfirst. You have to be fully conscious of the everyday lifestyle choices you're making and whether they're having a positive or negative effect.

For me, it's all about finding balance within my diet, lifestyle, and frankly, within myself.