How Your Brain Changes When You Become A Mom

The truth is, preparing oneself to give birth and for the new demands of motherhood requires an entirely new set of skills, cognitions, and capabilities, and a woman's brain makes enormous shifts during pregnancy and after birth in order to tackle the demands of the new responsibilities. The maternal brain circuitry—or the parts of the brain that are specifically used for the tasks associated with mothering—demonstrate increased brain activity and changes in structure and size during pregnancy and in the weeks and months following birth.

Another significant change has to do with the brain's reward pathway, a series of brain structures that communicate through the usage of the "feel-good" chemical dopamine. This pathway, which tends to activate when there's a pleasurable stimulus, is a key player in new mom brain changes, lighting up favorably whether the baby is crying or laughing. This is particularly important in maintaining a close bond between the two and maintaining a mom's motivation to consistently care for her baby's needs. Because as any mom knows, it's a lot of work!

All of these brain changes—which can help with emotional regulation, empathy, and stress management—are particularly adaptive for moms during those sleepless nights or when the baby is wailing for hours on end.

Some changes that occur in your brain when you become a new mom are harder to explain. For example, it may seem counterintuitive for parts of the brain to shrink during early motherhood. But experts think this might occur to make it easier to effectively accomplish tasks pertaining to motherhood, specifically. This comes at a cost: Yes, "mommy brain," or memory loss when you become a mom2, is very real! The current thinking is that certain functions are sacrificed in order for the brain to pour its resources into more specific motherhood-supporting brain capabilities, which can lead to fuzziness and memory loss. And as most mothers who experience "mommy brain" might tell you, these changes can be long term, lasting for years.

This is just one more reason to make sure you're taking care of yourself, too.

Here are some tips I have found to be helpful in counseling my moms. Please keep in mind that while these are great suggestions for optimizing mental health and easing the transition into motherhood, if you're having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call 911 or go to your local emergency room immediately.

No matter how capable, strong, and efficient you are, all mothers could benefit from their fair share of support postpartum. Before giving birth, ask your friends, family, and neighbors if they can step in to help. You may be surprised to find that most people are delighted to be of help and just want to know how they can make a difference.

Having a baby can be an exciting time, but it can also put a strain on your relationship. Recent studies have shown that postpartum depression can affect dads just as much as it can affect moms. In addition to dreaming about baby together, have some real discussions about how to support each other when things get exhausting or stressful. Studies show that marital stress is a risk factor for postpartum depression, so seeking a healthy connection and even counseling for additional marital support might be a good strategy.

Your maternal brain circuitry gets negatively affected under high levels of stress (plus high levels of stress during your pregnancy are not the best for baby anyway). Recognize some of your key sources of stress and be proactive about managing and mitigating them before birth.

Another excuse to snuggle that sweet baby! Studies have shown that skin-to-skin care (kangaroo care) could be beneficial in promoting bonding. Some studies even suggest that skin-to-skin care may be protective for a mother's mood4 and stress level.

With the birth of each child, a mother is also simultaneously born, and she starts a transition into her new identity. The people best equipped to understand the enormity of this change are other mothers. Reach out to other moms—whether friends, family, or even your own mom—for guidance and support. A lot of women find great benefit from postpartum support groups, which you can find online in your area.

While sleep may seem elusive in those early postpartum days, we know that a certain amount (approximately seven to nine hours) of sleep is vital for the healthy functioning of our brains and bodies. Without sleep, we are at higher risk for depression and other serious conditions. So try to sleep whenever you can, and ask for help at night or during the day to get a few extra zzz's whenever possible.

Incredibly, moms are doing more and more, with less and less support and without the traditional "village" it once took to raise a child. This can take a serious toll. Remember, you don't have to do it all. It can also be easy to fixate on the negatives ("I have a mountain of laundry, and the house looks like a disaster").

It's important to know that there are massive changes going on in women's brains when they become moms, as well as massive changes to their daily lives. Always know that depression, anxiety, OCD, and other mental health conditions are treatable and—despite what many moms may think—are not a failure or sign of weakness as a mother. PTSD and depression can also affect our ability to successfully parent, especially in the newborn haze. Fortunately, studies show that treatment and mental health support can result in healthy growth and attachment for babies and moms5.